Your mental health during a pandemic

[argonsagas]

This is an interesting course:

https://thehill.com/changing-america...-course-on-how

Thanks for posting that, Mason.
For me, masks have long been an acceptable form of protection.
When I first left school I worked in a factory where airborne dust was a constant factor, and asbestos was frequently in the mix.
I objected to the constant dust, so I asked for a mask. The company allowed me my choice so I got a two-canister respirator and then I wore it every day.
Much of the dust was larger particles, so I inserted tissue paper in the front of the filters to block them and could changed them s often as I wished and greatly extended the life of the canisters.

I was the only one there who wore a mask, and some of the others laughed about it, but it turned out to be a very good decision as it may have saved me from asbestos-caused cancer.

Similar masks now come with N95 filters and I have several of them today.
I wore them when covid began, however they are no longer used as they only filter incoming air.

[LAB3]

People tend to choose living a predictable life even when that predictability makes them miserable. For some of us, living an unpredictable life is the only way out of that trap. Ask yourself this: Would you be better off cold, wet and hungry hunkering down in a tent during a storm knowing that your fortune will soon change or live the rest of your life in a warm dry home with a stocked pantry knowing things never will? There's misery either way you go, at least with the first choice you've got hope to get you through!

[Rob S.]

Hang in there, Roger. One breath at a time.

[wyly]

Nice to hear the good diagnosis, Robert.
Positive thoughts sent to your wife and you.

Thanks Steve the mrs is on a much deserved mini vacation with our daughters in Victoria. It's a bucket list event as we really don't know how this will end, enjoy each moment as it comes. It's time for a reevaluation of our lifestyle.

I woke up this morning feeling more motivated than I have in a long time, my first 8 hour sleep in two years. I'm only now fully realizing what a toll the thought of losing my partner of 40 yrs has taken on my mental health, then toss in the annoyance of a pandemic. Add in losing my much beloved pup in the summer of 2019 and my brother in December of 2019 it's been a brutal two and half years.

[Rich82GS750TZ]

I want to first respond to Roger, though I believe he deleted his 2 posts. It was a harsh, but very real, I believe, accounting of his family's struggle with isolation, paranoia, and tension brought on somewhat by the pandemic, but revealing underlying troubles that many of us struggle with but rarely talk about with our friends. Roger, that had to be difficult to write. I want you to know that I'm thinking about and praying for you and your family. I have no advice to give. But I thank you for the inspiration and the courage to write the following:

I've posted in another thread about our 16 year old son, Noah. At 16, seems to have everything going for him: Just passed his driver's test, bought a car, has a part time job, in HS band and choir, gets good grades, beautiful girlfriend, good lacrosse player and a team player, conscientious, empathetic, responsible, loved by his friends, teacher, fellow Boy Scouts/Leaders. A great kid.

Then there's our other son, Max. 20 years old. Did OK in school with a lot of struggles, had nice girlfriend in HS, was also a good lacrosse player, Eagle Scout, honors choir and band, lots of great friends. Developed a serious talent for music and playing the saxophone. The struggles were health related. Plagued w/ GI issues his senior year of HS. Lots of dr. appointments, various diagnoses, possible connections to mental/emotional issues. Spring of his senior year of HS, was waking up puking every day. More appointments/tests. Diagnosed w/ ADHD and medicated. Things got somewhat better, but could not play lacrosse his senior year. Was a real shame, because he was really good and his small team really missed him. I don't regret not letting him play. He really wasn't up to it physically. We are nearly sure that a pretty bad concussion he suffered on the field spring of his junior year played a part in his mental and physical decline. Health seemed to improve a bit over the summer after HS, but he didn't get a job. Didn't do much really. Went to the shore w/ some friends, ended up in a emergency room in Maryland w/ more GI issues.

Max Started college at Kutztown Univ. in fall '19, majoring in music performance. Became an almost instant Rock Star among his peers and professors. Made the top jazz and rock bands, usually reserved for seniors. Was invited out to play in bars w/ upper-classmen a few weeks after starting school. We went to see his rock and jazz ensembles in December of his first semester. He was awesome. Seemed to be really thriving, at college. Dumped his HS girlfriend, and was starting to date another Freshman at school, a very talented singer. They seemed to get along great and we liked her alot. Shes came to our house and visited for a few weeks over Xmas break, and again came home with him for Spring Break.

I have to pause the narrative to explain that: When Max went away to college, we let Noah take over Max's slightly larger bedroom, and we turned Noah's old room into an office for myself and my wife. This left a small spare bedroom we had uses only as a guest room/ extra closet space for wife's clothes. Max would only be using it on brief stays home from college, or wherever he ended up. Or so we thought.

Spring Break '20, The girlfriend came home w/ Max. She stayed in the spare room, Max slept on the couch in the basement. (The separate quarters thing is mostly because my 84 year old mom lives w/ us, and well, it's not even worth trying to explain here, so I won't). Our new office became a music studio for the 2 of them, and that was OK, we made it work.

Continued below.

[Rich82GS750TZ]

COVID Hits. College campus shuts down. No students go back to campus after spring break. Girlfriend ends up staying til the end of the semester. Both she and Max passed all of their classes, difficult as this was for musicians to do. The living quarter was tight. We have a fairly large house, but it was definitely full. My wife is a Middle School Art Teacher. Learning quickly how to do that remotely was difficult, and now we had to find creative ways to share limited space. I was off work for 6 weeks, but I blew up my motorcycle, so at least that gave me an accuse to spend most of my time in the garage. No-one was going anywhere. We were all just THERE, ALL THE TIME. But we all got along fairly well and made the best of it.

That summer of '20, as work stared back up for me, the girlfriend went home to Allentown, things started to open up, tensions lifted at home and some sense of normalcy resumed. Max was looking forward to getting back to college for the Fall '20 semester. Health-wise, he was sort of OK. Occasional early morning nausea, some depression, and anxiety. More appointments, changing prescriptions, counseling. He seemed OK to start school again, so he did. Thing did not go well. Campus was open, yes, but was different. All mask, all the time. Cancelled glasses. A food service that was not up the task, and ever-changing dining plans/ hours or operations. But I believe the biggest challenge was that he had 3 room-mates, 2 of them also music majors, one of whom revealed himself to be a legit psychopath (not kidding, he's in jail now, can't even get into all this kid's issues), who among other things, was trying to steal Max's girlfriend.

I'll pause the narrative again to explain that before college started for Max, I talked to him about drug use and other such things. Well, apparently, he did get into some hallucinogens at some point, and shared with me about how he and some friends experimented with these things while creating music, and how it wasn't something they did all the time. What could I say. He has to make these decisions for himself. I appreciated his honesty, but cautioned him about abuse. Also, apparently marijuana flows on college campuses like water. I'm not totally against it's use. It doesn't do anything for me, but, whatever. He did tell be that he'd tried that as well. Was thinking about trying to get a card from a doctor to get it legally, to help w/ anxiety. I couldn't stop him. He never did do it. Sometimes, now, I wish maybe he had. I don't know. One of the problems with the weed on campus is, no-one knows where it comes from, and what it may be laced with.

Anyway, he ended up in a emergency room in Allentown a few weeks before Thanksgiving '20. His girlfriend and another friend w/ a car drove him there. She was very scared for him and called up. He hadn't been going to classes, hadn't been eating, not sleeping, smoking way more pot that he'd been telling us. While he was in the ER, the a$$_hat roommate was trying to line up a date w/ his girlfriend. We went and got him and brought him home. We all drove out again a few weeks later to get all of his stuff. A$$-hat roommate had already been removed from campus.Girlfriend tried to stick with Max for a while. But she deserves to be happy, and I don't blame her a bit for breaking it off after a little while. I still follow her on insta and face book, she's a regular on the Dean's List and will be a senior next Fall.

Max was in no condition to go back to college in Spring '21. Campus is open but with so many restrictions. No place for a musician that thrives on in-person collaboration w/ other musicians. Over the next few months he became very socially anxious, never went out, never saw friends, was staying in the too-small spare room, that was never meant to be a full time bedroom/studio for him. Therapy and medication seemed to help. He eventually got a job as a teacher's aid at the MS where my wife teaches. He did that as well through the summer a few days a week for summer school. But when school started up again fall '21, he was still not ready to go back to college. Higher anxiety and depression, more appointments and changing medications and therapist. He didn't start again as a teacher's aid at the MS until about October. He had been doing really will with it from then up until the weekend before Christmas. Kids's love him, teachers really like him and appreciate his help, especially the 2 music teachers, who are also close personal friend of my wife and I.

I believe that because Max was feeling pretty good, that he stopped taking his medication. Monday before Christmas, Max had an appointment with his therapist/psychologist. Dr. called my wife and said she needed to come take him to the emergency roomm Max was manic, and inconsolable, irrational, nothing he could do for him. Wife went to get Max, he had calmed down a bit and said he would drive to the ER with her. He drove home instead, told her "you really didn't think I was going to let you take me there did you?" He tricked her. He went to work Tuesday, but people knew he wasn't quite right.

The personality flip has been dramatic, and troubling to all of us. Wednesday morning he also skipped an appointment with his primary, the one that prescribes his medicine.

Ever since the therapy appointment, from all the reading my wife and I have done, he shows all the signs of bipolar disorder. Can’t list them all. Look them up if you care to. He’s irrational and delusional. Of course he thinks he’s reached some enlightened state. My mom, who lives with us, my 16 year old, my wife and I are scared and don’t know what to say or do with him at this point. We thought, we can’t make him get treatment and can’t forcibly have him taken for treatment unless and until (God Forbid) he threatens to harm or actually harms himself or someone else. Max has a beautiful mind and a wonderful musical talent that he loves to share. But right now we were scared for him and waiting for him to hit rock bottom, in whatever form. Wife has been on phone with various agencies trying to get help. We were planning to have 10 or so family at the house early Christmas Eve, then go to Church. We had to cancel the get together. I had to go to church because I sing in the Choir.

Wife had booked 2 nights for the 2 of us in Atlantic City next week. We had to cancel that. Along with all of the irrelevant nonsense he was spouting all of time, we no longer felt safe, and he had a very aggressive confrontation with my wife. Wife met outside the house with a social worker from a crisis hotline. She filed a 302 form which I guess is a way to have someone seen by psych, if they are not willing to go themselves. All new to me so I don’t really understand it all. Social worker, state police, and after a brief nonsensical/delusional conversation, we watched as cops had to (gently) handcuff him and load him in the ambulance. All involved were extremely professional and compassionate. I have no doubt we did the right thing for Max, but I still feel like I betrayed him.

continued below...

[Rich82GS750TZ]

The rest of this will read a little dis-jointed, as it's copied and pasted from various emails I wrote to friends over the last few weeks. Sorry. I just don't have it in me to type it all again in the present tense.

Sometime late Xmas Eve, Max was moved from the ER, where he’d been for over 24 hours, to a room is the Psych Ward at Bloomsburg Hospital. Wife went to see him once at Geisinger and once at Bloomsburg. They’ll only allowed one of us to go in. She tried to take him some goodies from home. They would not allow anything that was not prepackaged. I can understand that.

When she was there Christmas Day, he was in a common area with two other young men about same age. The three seemed to get along quite well and shared a similar mental illness (what my wife and I believe to be bipolar disorder, but as yet not diagnosed). The three were folding and flying paper airplanes. Max is able to and has called many times. He says he doesn’t know why he’s there. Each time, he tells us they said he’s allowed to leave now and we should go pick him up. Last night told my wife that it was Christmas and he needed to be at home. Breaks my heart more than anything else that this had to happen at Christmas.

From what I understand, because of the way he entered the psych system (via crisis center/ cops/ handcuffs/ ambulance/ ER), he is sort of fast-tracked into the already-overtaxed mental health system. Good for us, I guess. A team is supposed to evaluate him today and I guess get him started on a course of treatment.

After 6 days away from home, a diagnoses do Bipolar Disorder (no surprise), some therapy and on a new (for him) antipsychotic medicine, Quetiapine https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quetiapine, used to treat bipolar, schizophrenia and other mental illnesses.
I guess they figured they couldn’t keep him any longer. After he agreed to continue various treatments, and a list of things he needs to change at home, we picked him up at 3 pm today. I honestly wish they could have kept him longer. He was glad to be going home and open gifts and to share the gifts he’d gotten us. The hour ride home was filled with varying degrees of angry outbursts, crying, seemingly sincere appreciation, but mostly anger that we caused this all to happen to him. He obviously fooled the docs and told them what they wanted to hear. His rantings are still filled with nonsense about all manner of things. He is no doubt very intelligent, but believes he’s achieved some form of enlightenment, beyond most “normal” people’s comprehension. Frankly it’s exhausting and worrisome to listen to. We’re to understand that the new medicine takes varying times, depending on the subject, to take hold. I hope we see some change soon.


Once home, lots of hugs, heartfelt sentiments, and compassion all around. He seemed genuinely glad to see his brother and grandmother. Have I mentioned that my 83 year old mom lives with us? She, of course, is just as at a loss as the rest of us with all these recent developments. We opened gifts he had gotten for us. That was nice. He started and stopped opening his gifts a few times, needing breaks. Got emotional a few times. All of his life Max could be considered somewhat emotionally vacant. Cool, collected, almost cold. Quite different now. I had a surprise for him that he new nothing about, a very nice Fender Acoustic/electric guitar I picked up a few weeks ago. He was genuinely appreciative. It all became a bit too much, he went to his rooms.


He appreciated all the work my wife and I did, 12-14 hours a day for the last 3 days, cleaning and painting, cleaning carpets. I even replaced 10 existing contractor grade tan electrical outlets and 2 switches with new white ones. Gives things a very clean look, I think. Gives him a sort of a clean slate. All of his “things” are in boxes and bins. We told him he should only put things in his spaces that bring him joy. We’re trying to help with the hoarding behavior that got out of hand. Cleaning out his rooms was eye opening, like an episode of the HoardersTV show. You know, the one you watch to make yourself feel better about yourself. All of his clothes have been cleaned and organized. We need to work with him to try to keep his life as uncluttered as possible.

He has also now been prescribed Lithium to supplement the Quetiapine.


He took his meds and went to bed around 8. Praying he gets a good night’s sleep, so we can too. Have been hard at it since he went in the hospital. We’re emotionally and physically exhausted. I have to go pick up Noah at Walmart. I drove him there because the weather is supposed to get bad tonight. Don’t want him driving if the roads are bad. He’s doing well with his car and the driving so far. I’m looking forward to helping him install a backup camera in his car tomorrow. I need to spend some quality time with him. He also doesn’t know how to act or what to say around Max. I Need to make sure that he’s OK too, and knows that we didn’t forget about him, just that Max is in trouble right now and needs extra care. Noah is a very compassionate kid. But he is, after all, still a kid, and I need to keep reminding my self of that.

If you read all of this, I thank you.

I'm not really looking for replies, and certainly not judgement. If anything I've written strikes a chord or helps anyone in any way, that's great. I know it helped me to get it out. You all now know way more than you ever wanted to about my family. Peace, all.

If anyone in your family suffers from mental illness, you have my complete empathy. This is new for us. And we’re at a loss. If you’re the praying type, please add us to your list. If not, good vibes are welcome.

[Rob S.]

Best of luck for everybody. Keep us informed, please.

[LAB3]

Don't know if you've ever caught on to it or not but I spent a few years counseling mentally ill drug addicts and since then have been part-timing doing crisis line work. So, head injury, hallucinogens and weed huh? How much coffee does he drink?

[Rich82GS750TZ]

A few days ago, on his doctor’s recommendation, he’s now taking both the Quetiapine and Lithium before bed, and has finally strung together a few nights of a sound 8 hours of sleep, actually has to be woken up in the morning. He has not been a regular coffee drinker, but the last 2 mornings he did have just a cup, in the morning. I’ll keep an eye on it. My wife and I alway have a pot on the Bunn.

[LAB3]

A few days ago, on his doctor’s recommendation, he’s now taking both the Quetiapine and Lithium before bed, and has finally strung together a few nights of a sound 8 hours of sleep, actually has to be woken up in the morning. He has not been a regular coffee drinker, but the last 2 mornings he did have just a cup, in the morning. I’ll keep an eye on it. My wife and I alway have a pot on the Bunn.

Yeah, Quetiapine and Lithium sounds about right. The first one is for the magical thinking and does a good job, Lithium is the first choice in almost every case where bi-polar is suspected. If he's a "Classic" manic depressive that one usually does the trick. I'm not going to play the Dr Phil Home Game on a public message board, feel free to PM me if you want to take this conversation further.

[Rich82GS750TZ]

Thanks, Leonard (I believe you’ve used that name?, hope I’m right). Good to know there’s someone here with experience with this. We’re learning, but still way out of our element. I may reach out. He’s been working steady the last few weeks at the Middle School, hanging out with friends, we’re trying to keep him away from the ones we suspected of supplying him with weed. He’s in some various therapies. One, a group therapy, he claims to be there to help the other participants. He’s in denial of the bipolar diagnoses, at the same time that he recognizes the the medication is somehow helping him sleep better. Manic highs are lower. Depression lows are higher. He’s actually started dating a very nice girl. Hope she knows what she’s getting into. The extreme overconfidence/god complex has calmed, at least his nonsensical, philosophical, egotistical, existential rantings have subsided.

[Cipher]

Thanks, Leonard (I believe you’ve used that name?, hope I’m right). Good to know there’s someone here with experience with this. We’re learning, but still way out of our element. I may reach out. He’s been working steady the last few weeks at the Middle School, hanging out with friends, we’re trying to keep him away from the ones we suspected of supplying him with weed. He’s in some various therapies. One, a group therapy, he claims to be there to help the other participants. He’s in denial of the bipolar diagnoses, at the same time that he recognizes the the medication is somehow helping him sleep better. Manic highs are lower. Depression lows are higher. He’s actually started dating a very nice girl. Hope she knows what she’s getting into. The extreme overconfidence/god complex has calmed, at least his nonsensical, philosophical, egotistical, existential rantings have subsided.

I am very sorry this has befallen you.
A person in the throes of bi-polar disorder needs to be freed of street drugs for sure. Though cannibis may not seem bad to most the variable nature of the street varieties and additives makes it nasty for a person struggling.
I do find it odd they diagnosed in 6 days but can only assume they did an intense program of talk therapy to probe his psyche.

A hard part of accepting mental illness is the stigma and also the advice of people who are not professionals.
Be wary of gurus and well meaning people even those with personal experiences are often bad sources of advice.

From what you describe he was thrust into a very harsh and chaotic environment that allowed his condition to deteriorate.

Just one thing its hard to accept a diagnosis for many reasons. Note that Bi Polar affects a lot of people and its a vulnerable state of being not a cause for shame.

[LAB3]

The extreme overconfidence/god complex has calmed, at least his nonsensical, philosophical, egotistical, existential rantings have subsided.

That's tough for family members to deal with, to me those are my favorite subjects! Learning to decode the "Secret Meanings" and putting them into prospective is a fascinating subject which can provide a lifetime of structure to a persons life. Funny thing is, that ain't exactly a "Newage" thing, it's actually older than dirt! Problem is, you gotta read books that talk about god a lot and the cool kids prefer Faecesbook.

[Rich82GS750TZ]

Just one thing its hard to accept a diagnosis for many reasons. Note that Bi Polar affects a lot of people and its a vulnerable state of being not a cause for shame.

Thanks. We’re being as supportive as we know how. But my wife and I are the ones who forced him to be taken away, by force. He’s bitter and angry at us for it, and we accept that. We hated doing it, but we know we did the right thing and have to live with it. But there’s a high level of distrust there. We know that the friends he’s been hanging with the most have had their own issues and still deal with various forms of mental illness, courses of therapy, medications. So we believe that he’s finding common ground with friends his age. He’s with a friend right now who’s been through a lot of physical, mental and emotional problems in his own 20 years; A physical handicap giving him a permanent limp, depression, anxiety, and parents unaccepting of his homosexuality (he lives with grandparents when not at college). We don’t know everything they talk about, but he’s always happy, and not a drug-high happy, when comes home from there.