Not a motorcycle, but very funny.
Not a motorcycle, but very funny.
Totally Fantastic Couch! - $40 (Marble Falls TX)
Date: 2012-10-31, 3:04PM CDT
kmdvn-3377736046@sale.craigslist.org [
Errors when replying to ads?]
I have for sale, the most amazing couch on the planet. This couch absolutely ROCKS! Let this couch whisk you away to a world of comfort and adventure, just what a person (or an animal-hell, even an extra terrestrial) could use after a hard day's work, and not to discriminate, isn't relaxation, comfort and adventure something that is deserved by even the most lazy slob on the planet? YOU BET!! So weather you are an 80+ hour a week work-a-holic, or a fat lazy pizza eating video game playing loser, you NEED this couch! Check out this EXCITING list of features!
-It most definitely IS a couch, nothing more, nothing less.
-It does not have a van console with cup holders, nor does it recline, but that's white trash anyway, who wants that
-It's freakin' HEAVY, deceivingly so, is this couch filled wtih lead? Who knows, they made 'em different back in the day...we're talking good old American, craftsmanship!
-It looks like something that came from your 97 year old grandmother's house and was willed off to you, or at least, that's what you can tell people....do I smell a family heirloom?
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY IT LOOKS, ALLOW ME TO COME TO THE COUCH'S DEFENSE
Let's say you work all the time, are never home, and just want a couch because you don't have one, and all that standing around gets to be really awkward when people come over...if you don't have friends, that last part doesn't apply. If this is you, then this is the couch for you! You will never see it, You probably will never even use it, but it's nice to know it's there, and people won't think you are weird for "choosing to live without furniture" trust me on this one, you do not want to go down that road...the questions, the nagging, the weird looks and head shaking...not fun at all.
Or, option B
You don't work, you live in your mom's basement. This couch comes basement approved by the American Counsel of All Things Loser (ACATL) Think about it, you play video games, you eat pizza, but it's getting increasingly difficult with each passing day to sit cross legged in front of the TV because of the ever-expanding girth of your fat folds. Now you'll have a couch! Get fatter in new, innovative ways! Also, if you bring a woman home, you can.....oh hell, who an I kidding, you couldn't get a woman if you had a $100.00 bill hanging from your zipper. Still, you need this couch, if you don't buy it, you'll feel, well, even worse about yourself, and face it, nobody needs that ****.
If you buy this couch, it will stop the aliens from visiting every night and implanting you with monitoring devices. Aliens hate couches, especially this one.
BUY THIS COUCH NOW!
Remember that line from that Jackson Browne song "don't think it wont happen just because it hasn't happened yet" ? Well, that song was written about you buying this couch, you're sitting there thinking "what an *******, that couch isn't that great" But Jacking ****ing Brown wrote a song about it! He said, basically that you WOULD INDEED PURCHASE THIS COUCH!
Seriously now, in addition to everything else I mentioned, this couch has a rock&roll connection! Austin hippies unite!
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