CL SF bay area north bay all for sale / wanted motorcycles/scooters - by dealer
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tb7nt-3977168143@sale.craigslist.org [?] flag [?] : miscategorized prohibited spam best of Posted: 2013-08-02, 6:06PM PDT
BMW R1100RT - Not Pretty - $1650 (santa rosa)
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We've taken in some real ugly bikes in the past, but this 1996 BMW R1100RT with 60k miles may be the most nauseating, retched, vulgar ladle of vomit we've seen in a while. You will upchuck a powerful stream of bile when you subject your unfortunate eyes to its abject grotesqueness, and, if you survive having your guts turned inside out, your friends and family will become violently ill just from your description of what you've seen with your now permanently traumatized eyeballs.
Amazingly, the bike seems to run quite well. The previous owner commuted with some regularity on this 2-wheeled cesspool. If it ran as bad as it looked, we wouldn't bother selling it. We'd just melt it down, cut it into squares, and make ugly side stand support pods out of it that are so hideous no one would be tempted to steal them.
We're thinking that the ideal buyer of this monstrosity is someone who's desperately poor, has horrible vision, and can fix things even when they are revolted by the sight of it. Does this sound like you? If so, I feel for you. . .
Under no circumstances will we provide any sort of warranty on this turd. We won't even warranty that it's a motorcycle. As far as we're concerned, we're just selling a blob of pre-digested goo totally AS-IS. You scrape it off the ground, pour it into your truck, and take it away never again to torture our sense of sight to the point of making us want to gouge our eyes out with a dull, rusty garden 3-tine garden cultivator (with a wood handle for comfort).
If you even mention wanting us to fix something that broke on the bike, we will take out a restraining order on you. And we'll laugh mockingly at you. Just don't do it.
So, now that we've established that this isn't one of those gems that get polished more often than it gets ridden, it's time to discuss the price.
According to the Kelley Blue Book folks, a 1996 BMW R1100RT in good shape should fetch $4,195. Our homely little pile of 3rd world dog excrement doesn't belong in the same language that the word 'good' is a part of. So our price must be less.
And so it shall be. Quite a bit less. A paltry $1650 plus tax, doc, and dmv fees. Yes, the price is phenomenal. But don't forget that this bike is ugly and sold 300% AS-IS (I worry that maybe I didn't drive these points home adequately, hence the reminder).
We will only take cash since we wouldn't trust someone whose judgment is so cloudy that they buy this clump of warm maggot-riddled manure to make good on a check. And credit cards are out since you'd ask the bank to reverse the charge as soon as you were sober enough to realize what an imbecility you just committed. So cash only!
Oh yeah, I should probably mention that this gruesome puddle of chewing tobacco spit comes with ABS, powered windshield, 3 bags, and a 55 gallon drum of ugly.
Forget about trading in your bike for this. If this glob of rancid rat guts is a step up from your daily ride, we don't want it within 200 feet of our edifice. Make your own ugly bike for sale ad.
Please give your money to Bill at Santa Rosa BMW-Triumph. (707) 838-9100 ext 2
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Posting ID: 3977168143 Posted: 2013-08-02, 6:06PM PDT email to a friend
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